I love how

I love how

Coffee swirls

In my mouth and in my head

Words dance through the air when I look at you

The cold of the glass feels when I press it against my lips

I can hear the rain outside my closed eyelids

The triple tone gives me happy words

Your eyes sparkle when you are excited

Infectious love is

Everything, now,

Feels like something

My Reality

I want to drown myself in a pot of tea

I want it to rain and rain

Ideas and words

Poetry and metaphors

I don’t want the worlds’ reality

Awkwardness and monotony.

Stumbling,

Nervous laughter.

I want coffee with friends

Conversation

Thoughts and tears

Creating outlines of brilliance

I want my reality

And I will get there.

Tanah Air

Bumi yang tiada rimba

Seumpama hamba

Dia dicemar manusia

Yang jahil ketawa

I open my eyes

Rub the routine out of them

The same four walls

The same surrounding hills

I sit up

Its tomorrow

And I’m closer to home

Bumi yang tiada udara

Bagai tiada nyawa

Pasti hilang suatu hari

Tanpa disedari

I turn the shower on

The music urges me on

Ill get there soon

Its not that long

Its not that long

Time will fly?

I’m closer to home

Bumi tanpa lautan

Akan kehausan

Pasti lambat laun hilang

Duniaku yang malang

I walk to work

The same old route

People horn in recognition, and wave

It should fill me with familiarity

But each day I’m less familiar

And each day

I’m closer to home

Dewasa ini kita saling merayakan

Kejayaan yang akhirnya membinasakan

Apalah gunanya kematangan fikiran

Bila di jiwa kita masih lagi muda

Dan mentah

Ku lihat hijau

Work

Purpose

I turn the music off

And I tell some one
Today,

I’m closer to home

Bumiku yang kian pudar

Siapa yang melihat

Di kala kita tersedar

Mungkinkah terlewat

I walk home

The song plays again

Another day is over

I’m closer to home

Oh..anok-anok

tokleh meghaso mandi laok

Besaing,maing ghama-ghama

Ale lo ni tuo umurnyo bejuto

Kito usoho

Jauhke dari malapetako

Im on the dance floor

And the band plays the song

And I close my eyes

No more countdowns

No more farewells

Oh..anok-anok

tokleh meghaso mandi laok

Besaing,maing ghama-ghama

Ale lo ni tuo umurnyo bejuto

Kito usoho

Jauhke dari malapetako

I’m home.

(song lyrics from Zainal Abidins' Hijau)

Merdeka

I’ve been away a long time. Every Merdeka Day, I would make a big deal about it. When I was in University I would carry a flag in my backpack, and so people would ask me why, and then I could tell them all about Merdeka. I would have dinners and invite all my Malaysian friends, I would totally go the distance to make sure that I was celebrating Merdeka to the max, even though I was not home. I was always infused by this patriotic emotion that I wanted to share with everyone.

This year, I AM home, after years of struggling to get here.

And this year, I don’t feel much different on Merdeka day.

I couldn’t figure out why this was. Since I have been home, I’ve met amazing people, had great opportunities and experiences, all of which have only reaffirmed why I have come home. I thank god every day when I wake up to pink skies and the azan. I’ve started everything that I have put on pause for years now.

I realise I used Merdeka as a vehicle to harness all my sadness and my passion for coming home. I realise I don’t need that anymore. Right now, every day feels like Merdeka. Every day I get to celebrate what is Malaysian, talk about Malaysian issues, and exalt in being part of a Malaysian future. I’ve been liberated, when I never knew I was trapped.

I’m finally home, I want to be part of the change I know is happening, I want to be part of the solutions I can feel forming in the minds of the brilliant people around me, and I want to be part of the ideas that shape the future of this nation. This is going to be a great year.

Selamat hari Merdeka!

Freedom From Fear

“ The only real freedom is freedom from fear”

Aung San Suu Kyii

I watched Low Wei Yans youtube video, and I liked what he had to say. But I do feel differently about one thing. I am afraid to walk on July 9th. At this stage, I am going, but not because I’m brave. I’m not. I don’t want to be tear-gassed, I don’t want to be manhandled, and I certainly don’t want to argue with police officers in my questionable BM. I spend my free time eating cupcakes at Bisou at Bangsar Village, I would do poorly in prison. There are probably cicak there and stuff.

I wondered when I watched this video, or when I read RPKs article, or read the countless articles/blogs on why this protest is important and almost, unavoidable for the progress of the country - What are the ethical implications in us encouraging people to attend these demonstrations/protests/walks? Is it not fact that the Malaysian police are a trigger-happy lot, that there has already been disclaimers made, and certain communities being targeted? There are plenty of human rights violations waiting to happen here.

I’m not suggesting that the bloggers, activists and people who are encouraging attendance are being inappropriate or irresponsible. I think it is an important cause and I want a good turnout as well. And in fairness, most people take a personal stance and explain why they are walking, rather than blatantly spreading glorified propaganda. This is a personal conflict I have which I have been thinking about, the more I read, the more I talk to my friends about whether to go, and the more I think about the risks involved.

I think I would feel somehow responsible for any injuries, or, god forbid, deaths that could result from this protest, if I encourage others to go. Although I share information regarding the event, I don’t think I will encourage or suggest others to attend this. It’s a decision to be taken seriously, and to be taken as an individual.

If you do decide to come, come with the knowledge that you could be arrested, tear gassed or water cannoned. You could be trampled and you could be abused. These risks are part and parcel of why this event is important. In principle we are walking because we want clean, free and fair elections.

But in my mind, we are also walking for the right to be heard, the right to not be afraid to take to the streets in peaceful protest. That is the Malaysia we are fighting for, and the Malaysia we believe can exist. We are fighting for our right to vote in elections that are fair, for the politicians who can make this happen. And if they don’t do it, the same right will allow us to replace them with those who will. And so on, and so on.

We are walking to say hear us, the rakyat are in charge. Walk if you believe in that , but with the knowledge that the fact that we have to walk for this cause at all means that the Malaysia we hope for is within our grasp, but unfortunately is not the Malaysia we live in yet.