A Matter of Trust

Jen and I attended a forum today (shocked?)- called “Who Needs an Islamic State”. Now in our forum going euphoria we didn’t think twice. So we headed on our merry way. When we arrived we were greeted by two lovely ladies from the Muslims Professional Forum who welcomed us, and were excited that we were there. The excitement at these things is so infectious that we couldn’t help but be excited ourselves.

All speakers handled this quite sensitive, and very potentially controversial topic with grace. My favourite was Dr Dzulkz – he said “You must allow us to have our views, and follow our beliefs” As well as “I don’t use the term non-muslim, I prefer believers of other faiths". Hell yeah. The man is a star in my book.

Anyway, they all had their say, and my heart was filled with excitement for the understanding and open-mindedness that was going on in this seemingly tolerant space. Then the questions began.

Now the questions ranged from the typical crap, to some quite interesting though long winded questions. It wasn’t the questions themselves that bothered me.

What got me, was what people applauded at. They applauded things like “how will we create an army without an Islamic state”. People quoted fitna! So basically, for the first time, my emotions at a forum were based on what my fellow Malaysians sitting next to me were thinking and feeling rather than the speakers. The enthusiasm at things I was hardly enthusiastic at, and the disdain of things I passionately felt for were contradictions I was not used to feeling at these forums. Having said that, everything about this forum, except for the presence of Malik Imtiaz, was different about the peri-election forums that I attended.

It made me feel cold, and it made me feel sad.

It made me feel like the thought of an Islamic state is scary. And that has nothing to do with Islam. I feel comfortable with Islam, and I trust Islam.

Trust is an arbitrary thing. Personally, trust is something in my heart. It has nothing to do with practicality. There are certain people in the political scene, that I greatly admire, but that are few and far between that I trust. Is that a good thing, Im not sure. But its me. I trust Sivarasa, and I now trust Dr Dzulkz. I feel I lost something at this forum, and that was trust in my fellow Malaysian.

And that is the hardest thing to lose. I felt shaky, after the forum (we had to go and have a stiff drink after). This land, this country is the only thing in the world I know is mine. Truly mine. And I know I belong to this country and to no other. And that has held me strong for most of my years.

If I can not trust my fellow Malaysian, I can not trust Malaysia. If I can not trust my own home, my feet have nowhere to land and my heart nowhere to rest.